Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Mama pajama, rolled out of bed...and she ran to her Vo-cation

I'm on my way...I don' know where I'm goingggg...but I'm on my way! Taking my time, but I don' know where...

As I sit here, all Mama Pajama-ed out (glad I didn't have to run to to any po-lice stations), I can't help but think: What does excellence in vocation look like?

From Simon and Garfunkel, to philosophical musings...I know, it must be Tuesday.

Recently, I went to confession (and without an iPhone app. to accompany me, how did I manage?). In the confessional, I was discussing my lack of structured prayer and how I felt like my focus has shifted from "All-God" to "All-Mom"...and I was at a loss. Was I doing my best to live out my vocation? Didn't my vocation hinge on the whole God-thing? What was I doing to make time for Him? Between laundry, meals groceries, playing, reading, school, and "Mama, uuuppp!" there was no time for holiness.

Basically, I was sucking at the very thing He was calling me to do. But praise God for His holy counsel!

The priest kindly looked at me and said, "Maybe, just maybe, this is what holiness looks like for you right now- as wife, and as mother."

Huh, what?

The thought had never occurred to me. I could actually go all Therese of Lisieux on this vocation and make vacuuming prayer? Again, huh, what?

We all so desperately need to turn over to our Lord every aspect of every day, offering up our trials and triumphs for His incredible purification. But, that may not mean an hour of reading scripture nightly or even going to daily Masses that are anything but holy due to their falling right at Cal's mealtimes or nap times (lots of whines and screams abound on both of our parts...my mind becomes the eternal clicking countdown to final blessing so we can get our shizzle on home...curses under breath as my whispered "No" is so easily disregarded...you get the idea).

Holiness as mothers and wives may actually look like picking up that toy for the twelfth time today and not thinking "This is going in my 'June-Box', once it's in, it's in until June." Or, it may be chasing your 1-year-old around with clean diaper, as the thought of not peeing all over Mommy's clean floor does not really appeal to him. And maybe it is sanitizing hands for the third time in one day due to playing in diapers, toilets, and the like (not that I'm speaking from experience).

I think my biggest struggle with my move into the Mommy Hood, is that what I used to do to foster my relationship with the Lord is not an option anymore. Mass and holy hours are rare opportunities, gifts. Nightly prayer is often done whilst snoring, and morning prayer gets disrupted by commands of "Mooore!" But, I think what the Lord was/is trying to say is that this is okay....even good. A quick prayer before meals with my son is worth every last prayer on my own so that he may not only see prayer, but do prayer. And the rare daily Mass we get to attend is all the more embraced as a pure act of His grace and mercy.

Holiness takes on so many forms, all of which look vastly different for each individual. This definitely makes sense in the context of how uniquely each of us are created. We must strive to recognize not only what holiness looks like for us individually, but also come to grips with its evolution within our own souls.
My holiness today...after my holiness increased when my darling son threw bath toys in to the toilet.

2 comments:

Alyssa said...

kristen, i totally agree with your post! i struggle with this all the time...i have gone to confession multiple times thinking that i was not making prayer a priority in my day. finally a wonderful priest told me that my whole day, (read, poopy diapers, cleaning up messes, feedings, etc.) is a prayer i offer up to God as a mother and wife. doing those things well is how i pray these days. thank God for holy, wise priests, and less guilt about pouring my heart into my vocation as wife and mommy! we should chat more! keep posting - i am loving it! (you are a great writer, btw!)

Lanier said...

I like this methodoloty of taking a picture of your son while he is visibly pissed at you. I think we need to incorporate that methodology during teenage years. "Oh yeah? You hate us? We're the worst parents ever??

...hold on for a sec, Mom's going to go grab the camera."