I don't know if it's the "double ones," or the fact that we can no longer wear those New Year's glasses with the awesomely clever zeros for eyes... Maybe it's some dip in the weather, or the incredible and blessed start of a new day. It could be that Katy Perry told me I was a Firework tonight on the radio...or perhaps, it's the fact that my life has taken so many wonderful and trying turns in the past few years that I long to ground myself and actually stick to something. I don't know. I don't know why this year I desire something different, but I do. And that is Good. Really Good... brownie good. As a start, this year I am resolving to commit to my resolutions resolutely. And how.
I wanted to begin my resolve with a sort of Mission Statement. A contract between me, and, well...the Internet, that will help me to stay true to who I am and who the Lord is continuing to call me to see. I don't like the idea, especially being a woman of faith (although continuously humbled by how little), of, come January 1st, society as a whole decides it is time to "fix" themselves. However, when I was reflecting upon this, I realized, that although the time frame should probably be more arbitrary, and should definitely be a perpetual process, I love the idea of striving to improve myself. I love the idea that we can begin ourselves anew just as each day begins anew. And today, January 1st just happens to be my day to begin anew...
Now we're not talking major overhall here. I am not going to shave my head and dye it blue, or join the Peace Corps in Malawi. But I do want to take a good hard look at the things that I am constantly drawn to in my life but can never seem to grasp, and begin grasping. I hope to chronicle each successful grasp, and each humbling folly, in hopes of showing some sort of evolution and maybe, just maybe, providing some sort of inspiration or impetus to those who may stumble upon our blog.
Tonight I listened to a woman Eulogize her thirty-something husband who died just days prior in a way that not only created utter bliss and uproarious celebration in Heaven, but inspired each and every listener, both in person and beyond to fall on their knees. Not to thank the Lord for our husbands, our children, our blessings, but to thank the Lord for His Sacrifice, His Mercy, His Love, His Devotion. She was pure Faith. Faith that is unwavering. Faith that WILL move mountains...Faith that will transform the hearts of many. Faith that brought this woman to the point of complete jubilation during her husband's eulogy at just the mere thought of knowing what her journey, her suffering is all about...the Wedding Feast of the Lamb.
- I desire this Faith. I desire to return my heart to its rightful owner, and continue to share it with those with whom He has blessed me. I desire to fall on my knees and cry out...not out of despair, or rejoicing, but just to be with He who is above all else. I desire to serve my husband as Christ served His Bride- and do my best to deny myself before this service. I desire for my son to know, and love with all his heart He to whom he belongs. I desire to witness this...not preach it, but live it.
- She said, "I feel as though I am sometimes acting out of self-preservation, rather than serving out of love" Although I cannot agree that self-preservation was in anyway her goal, I can agree that it is often times my own. I desire to act out of love... and out of service...
- I desire to see my husband, truly see him...through the eyes of Christ. I desire to see all who I meet, and truly see them, through the eyes of Christ. Noting the beauty and the battles, their hearts and their hurts, and knowing we were all cut from a cloth sewn Love.
- I desire to volunteer, on a regular basis, with an organization that I can truly give my heart to. I desire to also serve with my family in order to give of all of our time and talents.
- So, I desire to run a 10K by this May...and really run it. I am not a runner, never have been, and continue to question this goal, but...I would like to push myself. I would like to get into better shape. Not only for aesthetic reasons, but in service to my family. Because, who wants a mom who tires in the middle of a game of family pick-up soccer??
- I desire to relearn how to play my guitar. I desire to use this guitar as an instrument to bring joy my family, allowing us to sing and worship together. I desire play with friends, and family...sharing in song. How very kumbaya of me!
- I desire to commit to, and get involved in my parish. I desire to not only contribute, but to look for voids and try to fill them. I resolve to a weekly Holy Hour, during which I simply revel in the Lord.
- I desire, with the help of my incredible family, to keep our home picked-up and remotely clean. I desire to cook more, while still honoring our devotion to Chipoltle. I desire to read more books, of all types, and use the knowledge I glean, be it practical or nourishment for my soul, to help feed my family. I resolve to put the clean laundry away, so that the piles of clean laundry don't get so used to their piled state that I need to re-wash them. And I desire to entertain more, host more parties, share meals and laughter with family and friends. I want to open the doors of our home and our hearts and readily share these blessings with all those we meet.