Yesterday, in talking with some girlfriends, we took up the idea of infertility and how it relates to God's plan. I have spent weeks mulling this over in prayer (and on long car rides) and have come to the conclusion: I sure don't get it. How can beautiful, faithful, and holy couples struggle with conceiving when so many people seem to just pop babies out like it ain't no thang? In the words of Adam Sandler's Cajun Man, "Confusiooonnnn."
The conversation was a tad ironic, as E and I have been trying to add to the brood, Lanier. Which in essence, should be easy, right...and even a bit fun? I mean, it worked the first time, without even trying...but it seems like ease is in the eye of the beholder and we are still in the try, try, again phase.
Yet, I am ever-reminded, every time I look at this perfect face...
...that I am SOOOO blessed. Beyond blessed, and if he is my greatest (and only) blessing of offspring from our Lord then I would be truly happy and content. And I would be...I am. But, hey, we did great work. Shouldn't we grace the world with more Laniers?
In our struggle and in the struggle of so many others, I am reminded of the faith so many patriarchal biblical figures who waited years, decades, for the blessing of children. Why? Because kids were it. The most sought after blessing of all the blessings....the Tickle-Me-Elmo of the B.C. era. It was a big deal, your line, the whole familial lineage rested on their shoulders. Well, until Jesus.
And enter: Jesus. Supreme evidence that God had and has a plan...it may take years upon years, centuries of mistakes and missteps, but His is a rockin' good plan- for us.
When we have asked couples about their infertility, they have all noted how significantly it has strengthened their marriages- how they would not be where they are today within their faiths and lives without it. Profound? Yeah...and it stinks of God. His plan...His plan...
I cannot say that we would have tried for Cal as soon as he arrived or that we would have been as open to life had God not just dropped him in-utero- surprise! Cal was God's Divine Plan to better me, us, through His blessings...and now, as I long for morning sickness (seriously!?), I know that God's hand is in this too. It just has to be, because it seems like God has His Divine hands in a little bit of everything.