Saturday, February 13, 2010

Day Ten

So here I sit, next to my husband and my son, wondering how I got this lucky?? My two men...nothing else matters.

It is amazing how little it is that we truly need in this world. My husband, my son, our God, and our Many speak about the birth of a child as complicating life, and I understand that completely, but I also have seen the beauty in its simplification of our lives. It helps us to truly see what we need, and how blessed we really are.

I think the most suprirsing thing I have learned over the past 10 days has not been about this new little 8lb. powerhouse in my life, but about my marriage. The love I feel for Calan is simply novel. I cannot explain it, nor would I begin to try and quantify it. However, I think was I kind-of, ironically, expecting to love him inexplicably.

Yet, what I was not expecting was the change in my love for my husband and how it would grow exponentially upon bringing this new life into the world. The joy I feel when I hear Eric sing Calan silly songs while changing his diaper, or the love that swells in my heart as he engages in one-sided conversations with Cal when no one is looking, has truly made me fall for this man in a whole new way. He is brilliant, always has been, but as a father he is being made new to me. The way Calan curls up in his daddy's chest like a little koala bear when he sleeps, and the way Calan only calms to his daddy's calming voice has made the tears that were already flowing, flow even harder. I am so blessed.

On day ten, I can officially say, Calan gets more amazing with every day. He has started giving us little unconscious smirks upon falling asleep. The way he purses his little lips, or shoot up his fabulous "power fist" in the air leaves us constantly giggling. The art of the diaper change that has recently changed into pure strategic genius (Eric uses a diaper buffer for the inevitable pee spray, whereas as I use my remarkable speed) leaves us with grins. We swell with pride upon looking at this little man, and pray that we can do right by him.

Recently, Calan and I were sitting on the bed, nursing, listening to some music on iTunes. The song Divine Romance began playing lightly in the backgroud, and I as I stared at Calan's complete innocence and puffy cheeks, I started singing (as best I could between the sobs) "For you (You), I sing...I dance. I delight in this Divine romance. Lift my heart, and my hands, to show my love. To show my love..."

I delight in both my son and my husband. Yet, I am in awe of my God for His graciousness and blessing in giving me both. I lift my heart, and my hands.

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