Resolutions take Resolve

It takes a brave woman to make a solid New Year's Resolution. I suppose, by definition then, most of people I know are brave...as resolutions come a dime a dozen. Yet, for some reason, I know that in 2011 I desire something different.

I don't know if it's the "double ones," or the fact that we can no longer wear those New Year's glasses with the awesomely clever zeros for eyes... Maybe it's some dip in the weather, or the incredible and blessed start of a new day. It could be that Katy Perry told me I was a Firework tonight on the radio...or perhaps, it's the fact that my life has taken so many wonderful and trying turns in the past few years that I long to ground myself and actually stick to something. I don't know. I don't know why this year I desire something different, but I do. And that is Good. Really Good... brownie good. As a start, this year I am resolving to commit to my resolutions resolutely. And how.

I wanted to begin my resolve with a sort of Mission Statement. A contract between me, and, well...the Internet, that will help me to stay true to who I am and who the Lord is continuing to call me to see. I don't like the idea, especially being a woman of faith (although continuously humbled by how little), of, come January 1st, society as a whole decides it is time to "fix" themselves. However, when I was reflecting upon this, I realized, that although the time frame should probably be more arbitrary, and should definitely be a perpetual process, I love the idea of striving to improve myself. I love the idea that we can begin ourselves anew just as each day begins anew. And today, January 1st just happens to be my day to begin anew...

Now we're not talking major overhall here. I am not going to shave my head and dye it blue, or join the Peace Corps in Malawi. But I do want to take a good hard look at the things that I am constantly drawn to in my life but can never seem to grasp, and begin grasping. I hope to chronicle each successful grasp, and each humbling folly, in hopes of showing some sort of evolution and maybe, just maybe, providing some sort of inspiration or impetus to those who may stumble upon our blog.

Tonight I listened to a woman Eulogize her thirty-something husband who died just days prior in a way that not only created utter bliss and uproarious celebration in Heaven, but inspired each and every listener, both in person and beyond to fall on their knees. Not to thank the Lord for our husbands, our children, our blessings, but to thank the Lord for His Sacrifice, His Mercy, His Love, His Devotion. She was pure Faith. Faith that is unwavering. Faith that WILL move mountains...Faith that will transform the hearts of many. Faith that brought this woman to the point of complete jubilation during her husband's eulogy at just the mere thought of knowing what her journey, her suffering is all about...the Wedding Feast of the Lamb.

• I desire this Faith. I desire to return my heart to its rightful owner, and continue to share it with those with whom He has blessed me. I desire to fall on my knees and cry out...not out of despair, or rejoicing, but just to be with He who is above all else. I desire to serve my husband as Christ served His Bride- and do my best to deny myself before this service. I desire for my son to know, and love with all his heart He to whom he belongs. I desire to witness this...not preach it, but live it.
  

In a recent conversation, a beautiful woman was telling me about the triumphs and the trials of stay-at-home-motherhood. Her service and love for the task with which she has been blessed was radiating, although she remained so humble. It was the little things that made me take notice. The way she understandably wanted to snap when the kids were not listening, but instead she took the time to talk to them, to love them fully, and to see them for their strengths in that moment rather than scold their weaknesses. It was the way she prepared a meal, painstakingly selecting only the best of ingredients so that she could give only the best to those with whom she ate. It was the way she chose to love her spouse so beautifully and completely. I think above all, it was the way she was able to so profoundly reflect upon her day, her actions, her choices, and after all her work was done, still want to perfect herself for the Kingdom, for the others in her life, to point where it hurt. It was breathtaking.

• She said, "I feel as though I am sometimes acting out of self-preservation, rather than serving out of love" Although I cannot agree that self-preservation was in anyway her goal, I can agree that it is often times my own. I desire to act out of love... and out of service...

Sitting on the couch tonight I was talking to my husband, something I tend to do often. Yet, it was funny because although we do have a tendency to, you know, talk to one another, it seems like it is a rarity that I take the time to see him. Sad.  Looking past his words, looking past the day's events... and straight into the heart that has been entrusted to me until the day we die. I got to see the beauty, the pain, the glory, and the falls...I got to see the detail with which the Lord molded every inch of his heart into this unique and imperfect, but oh-so-perfect for me, heart. It was truly awe-some. I was given a gift tonight...and it was amazing.

• I desire to see my husband, truly see him...through the eyes of Christ. I desire to see all who I meet, and truly see them, through the eyes of Christ. Noting the beauty and the battles, their hearts and their hurts, and knowing we were all cut from a cloth sewn Love.
  

We received an email from some friends about volunteering a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving. This is something Eric and I had always talked about doing....giving of our time and hearts to help nourish.

• I desire to volunteer, on a regular basis, with an organization that I can truly give my heart to. I desire to also serve with my family in order to give of all of our time and talents.

Recently, a couple of friends of mine completed their first marathons. I was beyond inspired by them, as this is not an easy journey. The dedication and commitment that it takes to complete a race like this seriously, I am not sure I possess. However, I remain inspired.

• So, I desire to run a 10K by this May...and really run it. I am not a runner, never have been, and continue to question this goal, but...I would like to push myself. I would like to get into better shape. Not only for aesthetic reasons, but in service to my family. Because, who wants a mom who tires in the middle of a game of family pick-up soccer??

In a black case in a lonely corner of our basement lives a beautiful acoustic guitar. It has followed me everywhere, from single to married, from high school to motherhood...yet, I neglect it and its strings remain unplayed.

• I desire to relearn how to play my guitar. I desire to use this guitar as an instrument to bring joy my family, allowing us to sing and worship together. I desire play with friends, and family...sharing in song. How very kumbaya of me!

The Catholic Church is a Church based upon community, sharing in sacraments as a parish-unit. Yet, since college I have found myself constantly "parish shopping," trying to find the right fit or making excuses due to the fact that I may move, or may get busy. Yet, my parish is what brings me the Grace of the Sacraments, the Grace that sustains my very life. And yet, I do not give back??

• I desire to commit to, and get involved in my parish. I desire to not only contribute, but to look for voids and try to fill them. I resolve to a weekly Holy Hour, during which I simply revel in the Lord.
  

Finally, there is a myth that exists that tells of a creature who is able to cook a 5-course meal, while spotlessly cleaning the whole if its dwelling, who dons clothes outside of sweatpants, and who always has the right thing to say with a side of smile. This creature: Super Mom. I have read articles, seen movies, heard the stories, but have decided such a creature does not exist...close, but does not exist. So...I will not strive to be Super Mom...but,

• I desire, with the help of my incredible family, to keep our home picked-up and remotely clean. I desire to cook more, while still honoring our devotion to Chipoltle. I desire to read more books, of all types, and use the knowledge I glean, be it practical or nourishment for my soul, to help feed my family. I resolve to put the clean laundry away, so that the piles of clean laundry don't get so used to their piled state that I need to re-wash them. And I desire to entertain more, host more parties, share meals and laughter with family and friends. I want to open the doors of our home and our hearts and readily share these blessings with all those we meet.

And so, 2011...let us begin.